31 Jan My partner, my choice…
We meet with people in many different contexts: at a friend’s house, at work, in a bar, in the University and so on. The process of choosing a partner- the ideal partner – is a very complex one and quite difficult to understand. However, there seems to exist some mechanisms that we use in order to choose the right one for us.
On the one hand, some people make their choice based on their feelings and their emotional storm which is alive when we first meet someone. On the other hand, there are people who are more careful and restrained, unable to trust their inner feelings. They are committed -when it comes to their choices-to be driven by their logic instead of their feelings. None of the two ways of choosing a partner guarantees a happy and fruitful relationship/marriage.
Almost all of us have the need to feel and believe that we married someone / chose our lifetime partner after our own free will. This is the only way to have trust in ourselves that we really care about our partner and that he/she also cares about us too. However, sometimes in a marriage or a long-term relationship this choice is in doubt. This painful doubt appears through a crisis and it can only be solved when both members verify their commitment and genuine care for each other.
We need to be with a partner who will help us feel complete and the best way we could do that is to choose someone who has similarities with our personal values which we deeply appreciate and have a vital meaning for us. However, it would be a mistake to focus only on that. The choice of our partner goes beyond that. Each and every one of us is a deeply and irrevocably member of a family. We are so deeply connected to our family of origin and we struggle between the creation of a new family and the devotion to our paternal family. Have you ever wondered about the reasons that made you decide to be in a relationship with someone else? What about your current partner? How happy do you feel in your current relationship/marriage? What if you never managed to be a long-term relationship? Being single is as difficult as being in a relationship. Relationships are a living organism who needs constant care. They are powerful, complex, open to change, fragile, resistant, and whatever WE decide to make them. It’s every single one of us who has the ability to look within himself and decide what his lifetime relationship will look like.Your partner, your choice!
The choice of a lifetime partner, is the most decisive action in one’s life. When a man and a woman decide to get married they do a lot more than merely deciding it: they are left in the power of an interpersonal process, much stronger than themselves. The choice of a partner shows an incredible precision in the way that the substantial forces of these two different individuals mingle – their history, their current condition, their future desires… (Augustus Napier, Carl Whitaker, 1980).